Setting ye scene

What is the meaning of life? Is there a God? Why is belly button fluff always blue? These questions have led to wars, famine and sleepless nights for millennia, but there's one with even greater importance -- which is better, Mac OS X or Windows Vista?

It's the question that won't go away, and no matter how many times the arguments are rehearsed, there never seems to be a proper resolution. The rows recently stepped up a gear with Apple adding fuel to the argument with its new advertising campaign, while Microsoft has applied liberal amounts of 'Wow' to its new Vista OS.

The debate needs to end. It's time for a definitive answer. We've decided to settle the question once and for all in the fairest way possible -- with an Elizabethan-style duel.

Our 'actors' have assumed the roles of each operating system. Baron Vista is played by the big, brash fellow in the orange garb and Count OS X by the well-moisturised man in black.

Their task is to win the hand of the fair Maiden Mainstream, played as in olden times by the hairy bloke in the dress. They'll be trying to woo 'her' by completing a series of old-world challenges. The outcomes are determined by how good each OS' security, performance and usability aspects are.

Is OS X trendier, easier and safer than the competition? Or is Vista the new king of the hill? Which one gets the chick? The battle lines have been drawn, gloves have been slapped across faces -- it's time for a smackdown, Shakespeare style.