Step two: Befriend a pigeon

Step two: "Emails and text messages separate us from nature. Befriend a pigeon and use it to transmit your messages."

Cups and strings are surprisingly effective for voice, but what was I supposed to do when I need to send a text message? The book's answer is the humble homing pigeon, used to carry messages during both world wars.

If it was good enough for Churchill, it's got to be good enough for me. I headed down to the park to snare myself one of the local breeds. After hours running around trying to pick up one of London's finest, I finally settled for one that wasn't quick enough to dodge my tech-coddled hands.

Plump Peter, as I named him, didn't look very fleet of foot (or, come to mention it, wing), but he seemed to appreciate my offer of bread and didn't mind me tying a note around his leg.

But no matter how much I pleaded and coaxed, he just didn't seem that interested in delivering my note to my friend in Pratt's Bottom. Perhaps he didn't believe that such a place could exist, or perhaps the flying rats we get in London aren't of the same quality as the ones in Vera Lynn's heyday. I don't think pigeon text is really going to work for me -- not unless I can get one of those Chinese robo-pigeons.